A Tribute to Dixie...Carter, that is

The actress Dixie Carter passed away this past weekend, and I have to admit that I was really quite sad about it.

No, I didn't know her personally, but I've watched episodes of Designing Women over and over again, mainly because of her. Yes, I know the difference between the actor/actress and the role, but Julia Sugarbaker was really kind of a role model for me. I don't mean that on a deep, formative level, and she didn't so much influence how I thought, but she was a woman who artfully (and with much sass) expressed things that I felt but didn't think you said out loud, at least in polite company.

No one I knew read Betty Friedan or Gloria Steinem, or if they did they certainly didn't share that with me. Even now feminism is a dirty word among many of the women of my generation (a whole other conversation...). And it wasn't just the content of her speeches, it was the delivery as well. Julia just had so much confidence and poise as she asserted her feminism:

"Now, the truth is, we women have not had enough power, or money, or confidence to start much of anything. But we sure as heck get the blame for everything. And I’ll tell you something else! I love men - I love this one in particular - but you cannot ignore history. History has shown that, in general it has been the men who have done the raping and the robbing and the killing and the war-mongering for the last two thousand years.... and it's been the men who have done the pillaging and the beheading and the subjegating of whole races into slavery. It has been the men who have done the law making and the money making and the most of the mischief making! So if the world isn't quite what you had in mind you have only yourselves to thank!!"

It really helps if you can read along with her tone and emphatic expressions, but Designing Women fans are probably able to do so.

And I loved her on politics, too. Regardless of what you thought of them, specifically, she made liberal politics sound intelligent and articulate...and quite possibly compatible with (though not synonymous with) one's Christian faith. Gasp! In my neck of the woods, liberals weren't just people you disagreed with (and you definitely did that), they were people ill-informed, misguided, and pretty darn ignorant about the way the world works. This is no incrimination of the views of anyone in particular, but it was pretty much the consensus of society in general, at least where I spent my formative years. I simply appreciated someone presenting an alternative point of view in a compelling way. Consider this one:

"I do not think everyone in America is ignorant! Far from it!! But we are today, probably, the most uneducated, under-read, and illiterate nation in the western hemisphere. Which makes it all the more puzzling to me why the biggest question on your small mind is whether or not little Johnny is gonna recite the Pledge of Allegiance every morning! I'll tell you something else, Mr. Brickett. I have had it up to here with you and your phony issues and your Yanky Doodle yakking! If you like reciting the Pledge of Allegiance everyday then I think you should do it! In the car! In the shower! Wherever the mood strikes you! But don't try to tell me when or where I have to say or do or salute anything, because I am an American too, and that is what being an American is all about! And another thing... I am sick and tired of being made to feel that if I am not a member of a little family with 2.4 children who goes just to Jerry Falwell's church and puts their hands over their hearts every morning that I am unreligious, unpatriotic, and un-American!! Because I've got news for you, Mr. Brickett... all liberals are not kooks, anymore than all conservatives are fascists!! and the last time I checked, God was neither a Democrat nor a Republican! And just for your information, yes I am a liberal, but I am also a Christian. And I get down on my knees and pray everyday ---- on my own turf — on my own time. One of the things that I pray for, Mr. Brickett, is that people with power will get good sense, and that people with good sense will get power... and that the rest of us will be blessed with the patience and the strength to survive the people like you in the meantime!!"

And the craziest thing is that the show was so mainstream. It was a family friendly comedy - about the South, no less, and was well received there. She was subversive in a very "safe" format, I suppose. Anyway, all that gave me a different picture of what women could be and it made me think about what kind of woman I wanted to be.

I have other women in my life who have done that, and have formed much more central traits and virtues in my life, but Julia Sugarbaker must be numbered among the women to whom I'm indebted. So yeah, I admit I was a little sad to get the news. Many thanks to Dixie Carter for enfleshing this character in a way so feisty and so warm. I loved every minute.

Coleman got me season one of Designing Women on dvd for my birthday this year. I think perhaps I'll watch an episode of that today and think good thoughts about women. I'll imagine my sweet daughter growing up in a world where women are esteemed and empowered, where her work (whatever that may be) is valued and not exploited, where her ministry is welcomed, and where it's just a little easier to thrive and flourish as a member of the female sex. And I will recommit myself to living in such a way that it will!

Julia and Dixie didn't do that for me, but they do remind me to keep at it!

Love to all you women, and to all you men who love strong women. And, Dixie, may you rest in peace.

(parts of this are excerpted from a reply I sent to a friend who wrote to see how I had taken the news of her death: thanks for checking on me, Kurt!)