When it rains, it pours (poo)

What happened today could really have been on a sitcom. I think the episode would have been entitled "Bodily Fluid Extravaganza."

I heard a substantial development in Cora's diaper, so I went to change it pretty soon after it happened in order to avoid any unwelcome leaking incidents. Apparently, however, I jumped the gun, and she was not finished after all. I had taken off the first diaper, cleaned her up, and slid the soiled diaper out from under her with the new diaper already under that one (a little trick my favorite nurse taught me at the hospital). As I started closing up [dirty] diaper number one, I heard her begin further proceedings in the new, open diaper. I hurriedly reached for another wipe to clean her up again, and as I did, she had an explosive burst of poo that spread outside diaper number two and onto the wall of the changer. I had to laugh.

So I remove diaper number two and place it inside the still open diaper number one, and reach for diaper number three to put on her. Before I can even reach the pile, however, she decides that back end maneuvers are not sufficient, and it's time for a front end attack. She spits up a little, and before I can even finish thinking, "Yeah, that's just what we were missing," she begins to vomit voluminously. Keep in mind that she's lying on her back, so barf is now all down her front, soaking her romper and bib, is running down her neck, and is pooling behind her head. Her hair is soaked. There is puke in her ears. And she's still naked from the waist down.

I can't see any other option than to strip her down the rest of the way, pick her up, whisk her off to the bathroom and run a bath one handed. I finally got her cleaned up and calmed down, and then wrapped her in a towel on the bed. I'm attempting to dry her, diaper her (in diaper number three) and clean the puke that is still standing in the changer all simultaneously. And of course as soon as I get diaper number three closed up, she poos again. So I laugh, remove diaper number three, replace it with diaper number four, and get her dressed.

Then, as I place her on the floor for some "tummy time," I apparently activate her expulsion reflex yet again because I hear another poo. How she still has anything left to move is beyond me, but nonetheless, she did.

So, to recap, that makes the total damages rendered in a span of about ten minutes:

four soiled diapers, plus the one she's wearing now

eight to ten dirty wipes (including those used to clean up changer)

two cloth diapers, soaked in puke

one snappy romper thing, soaked in puke

one cloth bib, soaked in puke

one wet towel

one wet shirt (mine)

Now, that's efficiency.